My Midlife Crisis My Rules: A Paranormal Women's Fiction Novel : Good To The Last Death Book Four Read online

  My Midlife Crisis, My Rules

  Good to the Last Death Series Book Four

  Robyn Peterman

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  Copyright © 2021 by Robyn Peterman

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is coincidental.

  This book contains content that may not be suitable for young readers 17 and under.

  Cover design by Cookies Inc.

  Edited by Kelli Collins

  Contents

  Acknowledgments

  More In The Good To The Last Death Series

  Book Description

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  More In The Good To The Last Death Series

  Robyn’s Book List

  Note From The Author

  About Robyn Peterman

  Praise for Robyn Peterman

  “Daisy’s life has been turned upside down, and we get to watch the aftermath. Prepare to root for a new heroine. You’ll fall in love with this hilarious hoyden and all of the hot water she dives into. Head first! Masterful and heartwarming, don’t let this one get away!”

  —NY Times Bestselling Author Darynda Jones

  “Brilliant and so relatable! I laughed, I cried, I swooned, and I sighed. Heavily. Robyn Peterman has her finger on the pulse of midlife madness, and I can’t get enough.”

  — USA Today Bestselling Author, Renee George

  “I’d read the phone book if Robyn Peterman wrote it! It’s A Wonderful Midlife Crisis is a home run of hilarious, heartwarming paranormal fun. Midlife’s a journey. Enjoy the ride. Crisis included… Read it!”

  — Mandy M. Roth, NY Times & USA TODAY Bestselling Author

  “Hilarious, heartbreaking, magical and addictive! No one can turn a midlife crisis upside down quite like Robyn Peterman. A stay-up-all-night novel that will have you begging for more.”

  — Michelle M. Pillow, New York Times and USA Today Bestselling Author

  Acknowledgments

  This series has been in my head for two years. It took a call and a nudge from Shannon Mayer to make me pull the file out and finish book one. Now you’re getting book four! Each word was a joy to write and I owe Shannon for yanking me into the Paranormal Women’s Fiction group. Playing in a sandbox with strong talented women who have each other’s backs is a rare and special experience.

  As always, while writing is a solitary experience getting a book into the world is a group project.

  The PWF 13 Gals — Thank you for a wild ride. You rock.

  Renee — Thank you for all your support, your friendship, your formatting expertise and for being the best Cookie ever. You saved my butt on this one. Forever in your debt. TMB. I promise I will get our phrase into the next book. LOL

  Wanda — Thank you for knowing what I mean even when I don’t. LOL You are the best and this writing business wouldn’t be any fun without you.

  Kelli — Thank you for saving me from scary grammar mistakes. You rock. And thank you for letting me be late… again. LOL

  Nancy, Susan, Heather and Wanda — Thank you for being kickass betas. You are all wonderful.

  Mom — Thank you for listening to me hash out the plot and for giving me brilliant ideas. You really need to write a book!

  Mandy — You rock hard! So happy I can call you my friend.

  Steve, Henry and Audrey — Thank you. The three of you are my world. Without you, none of this would make sense. I love you.

  Dedication

  This one is for the gals over 40. We ROCK! LOL

  More In The Good To The Last Death Series

  ORDER BOOK FIVE NOW!!

  Midlife is definitely a journey. The road has massive potholes.

  And the crisis… it’s the gift that keeps on giving.

  Being forty is supposed to be freaking fabulous not fatal.

  Taking on a daunting new job minus the description isn’t the smartest move I’ve ever made. Hopefully, it doesn’t turn out to be the stupidest… or deadliest.

  Why can’t things stay the way they were? I love my old job. Supergluing ghosts back together and solving their issues is its own reward. Not to mention, I’m seriously good at it.

  Adding to my problems, there are four new angels in town who are riding my butt and judging every move I make. Literally.

  Luckily, my nutty friends have my back and the Grim Reaper has my heart. What could possibly go wrong?

  Nothing is impossible. I am living proof. Let’s just hope I live to prove it.

  Book Description

  My Midlife Crisis, My Rules

  My midlife crisis. My rules. And if it doesn’t put me six feet under, I plan to live it up in style—possibly for the rest of eternity…

  After a Luke Skywalker/Darth Vader moment, I discovered I do indeed have a father. He comes with a hell of a lot of baggage, but I’ve decided to keep him. Not only do I have a father, I have a kickass new sister, a ghostly family, and super powers to boot. If you add to the mix that I’m dating the Grim Reaper, it’s a freakin’ party.

  The only thing standing in the way of my happiness is the Angel of Mercy, though Angel of Misery is more appropriate. She’s responsible for almost everyone I have loved, and who has loved me being taken away. With the help of family and friends, I will track her down and show her exactly what a perimenopausal hot flash looks like in action.

  Job — Death Counselor — Supergluing ghosts back together and solving their issues is rewarding. For real.

  Mission — Bring the seriously evil Angel of Mercy to justice without dying or getting anyone else killed in the process.

  Team — A bunch of certifiable Immortals, including one who re-homes vibrators. Yes, you read that correctly.

  How to do this? — Wing it. Wine, my Demon boyfriend, a houseful of deceased squatters, and good friends by my side will help.

  Midlife’s a journey. I will enjoy the ride. The crisis is happening whether I’m ready or not.

  Chapter One

  The anticipation in the room was visceral—almost physical. Something invisible pressed against me and my breath came in jerky spurts. None of us—not Gideon, Charlie, Tim, Heather, Missy or I—had any clue what would occur in the next few minutes.

  Missy’s hands were warm in mine. She smiled at me, and I smiled back.

  The situation was bizarre. The fact my beautiful human friend, Missy, believed me and had absorbed that Immortality was a reality without losing her shit was mind-boggling. It had taken me a few months to rea
lize I wasn’t insane.

  Missy had just found out that the old wives’ tale she’d never believed about her family being safe harbors for souls in peril was not a wives’ tale. She barely batted an eye. My dearest friend had unknowingly harbored my mother’s soul inside her for over thirty years.

  “We’ve always been connected, Daisy,” Missy said.

  “Always,” I agreed.

  “And we always will be.” Missy closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. “Just call to her, Daisy. She’ll come.”

  A light jasmine-scented breeze blew through my friend’s colorful living room and an ethereal lavender glow surrounded her. Breathing in the scent, I closed my eyes and connected with my best friend since childhood in a way I never had before.

  “Alana,” I called out tentatively. “Come to me. It’s safe now.”

  I waited.

  Nothing happened.

  I could feel the tension of the others.

  Missy squeezed my hands. “Don’t be scared. Did you call her Alana when you were a child?”

  “No,” I said with a little laugh, my eyes still closed.

  “Call her what she will recognize,” she suggested.

  “You think that will work?” I asked.

  “I know it will,” Missy replied. “I can feel it.”

  I’d always known Missy was special. It wasn’t until this moment that I understood the meaning of the word.

  “Mom? Mama?” I tried again. “It’s me, Daisy—your daughter. I’m here to lead you into the light. You’ll be safe with me. I love you so very much and… I want to save you like you saved me. Please come to me. It’s safe to leave Missy now.”

  The wind picked up and my eyes shot open. Missy’s eyes rolled back in her head and a beautiful golden soul orb appeared on her shoulder. I quickly wrapped my arms around Missy so she wouldn’t fall to the floor, then I gently kissed the soul on her shoulder.

  It wiggled and glowed. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.

  “Did we do it?” Missy asked, holding on to me for balance as she came back from wherever she’d just gone.

  “We did it,” I said softly, carefully taking my mother’s soul into my hands and leading Missy to the couch.

  “Will she stay in that form?” Missy asked, marveling at the orb.

  “No,” my father said, approaching me with tears streaming down his handsome face. “Alana, take another form. Come and say hello to your family.”

  The Archangel waved his hand and the room filled with an enchantment so strong, I found it difficult to breathe. Shimmering gold flecks rained down from above, creating a sparkling backdrop to the magic that was happening before my eyes.

  My father put his arm around me, and we watched in awe as the golden orb morphed into the woman I’d been missing my whole life. Her smile undid me, and my father continued to cry.

  “I am so sorry, Alana,” he whispered hoarsely. “So sorry.”

  She floated over and circled us a few times. I worried she didn’t recognize me. I’d been five when she’d died, and now I was forty.

  “I’m Daisy,” I told her as she hovered in front of me and studied my face.

  “I know,” she replied. “I’m your mother.”

  I giggled. “I know.”

  “You’re stunning,” she whispered.

  “So are you,” I said.

  She tilted her head to the side and laughed. The sound hit me in the gut and went straight to my heart.

  “Silly girl,” she said, touching my nose, then looking at the man she’d loved more than any other. “Michael.”

  “Alana,” he replied.

  My mother’s attention was now completely focused on him. The love between them was undeniable. I was heartbroken that he wouldn’t be able to feel her touch like I could. Only a Death Counselor could experience the touch of a ghost. Archangels didn’t have that gift.

  “I’m sorry, Michael,” she said. “I did what I had to do.”

  He nodded and reached for her. His hand went through her, but he kept it extended. “I would have done the same in a heartbeat.”

  She smiled. “I know.”

  “Mom,” I said, hating to interrupt them, but worried that Clarissa might show up unexpectedly. I was desperate to spend time with her and get to know her, but risking her afterlife for my needs was not going to happen. “Are you ready to go into the light?”

  “No, Daisy. I’m not,” she said.

  Her answer terrified me and made me want to sob with joy.

  “Alana,” Michael said, clearly as torn as I was. “It’s not safe for you here.”

  Again, she tilted her head and smiled. “It’s never been safe,” she replied. “And that has never frightened me. What frightens me is that Daisy isn’t safe. Until the time she can live without looking over her shoulder like we always had to do, my place is with my family. Period.”

  I grinned. My mom had lady balls—like me and like Gram.

  And that’s when my happy story went horribly wrong.

  “There you are, Daisy girl,” Gram shouted with glee as she flew through the wall of Missy’s house with Steve in tow. “I’ve been lookin’ all over tarnation for you people. Got worried when I went downstairs and no one was home.”

  I glanced over at the ghost of my dead husband in alarm. Steve shrugged helplessly. “She wouldn’t take no for an answer, so I came along for the ride to make sure she could find her way back home.”

  I nodded in the direction of my mother. Steve’s ghostly eyes went huge. He got the picture, and he got it fast. Gram had been dangerously brainwashed by Clarissa that my mom had committed suicide and went into the darkness.

  “Gram,” I said quickly. My world was about to spin off its axis. I had no clue what seeing my mother would do to Gram, but I was pretty sure it wouldn’t be good. “I need you to go home.”

  “Oh my God,” Missy said in shock. “I can see Gram and Steve.”

  “You can?” Gram squealed with delight. “That’s just fandamntastic, Missy! Daisy, I’m pretty dang sure we had an earthquake or some prehistoric moles out in the yard. We got holes you could drop swimmin’ pools in, and I know them dogs couldn’t have dug ’em.”

  “Yep,” I said, moving to stand in front of my mother. “Saw that. Maybe we should put in a pool.”

  “Gram,” Steve said, trying to run interference. “I’m pretty sure The Price is Right is having a marathon this evening. We should get back home. Don’t want to miss the Big Showcase.”

  “I think you’re right,” she told Steve, scratching her head. “But Missy here has a TV. Don’t you, darlin’?”

  I shook my head at Missy. She read me correctly even though she had no idea what I was doing.

  “Oh, Gram, my cable is out,” she lied. “I have a repair person coming tomorrow.”

  “Bummer,” Gram said—right before she froze.

  “Mama?” Alana said, floating out from behind me with a timid smile on her lips.

  Gram gasped with delight and began to shake. “Alana baby?” she choked out.

  “It’s me, Mama,” Alana said. “I’ve missed you so much.”

  Gram’s smile turned into a pained grimace and her body began to convulse brutally. She became more transparent, and ghastly keening noises came out of her mouth from low in her throat.

  “No!” I shouted as I pulled Gram from the air and held her tightly in my arms. “It’s okay, Gram. You’re fine. You were dreaming. You’re fine.”

  “Your mama killed herself to follow her lover into the darkness. Suicide. Guaranteed ticket to Hell,” Gram said in a monotone as her thin body continued to jerk and contort in my embrace.

  “What’s happening?” Charlie demanded. His eyes had turned silver and he became the badass Enforcer I’d witnessed several times.

  “Mom,” my mother said weakly. My father quickly motioned for my mother to hide herself behind him. She followed the directive immediately.

  “Your mama killed herself to follo
w her lover into the darkness. Suicide. Guaranteed ticket to Hell,” Gram repeated like a broken record.

  “Yes, she did,” I told Gram, rocking her like a child in my arms. “That’s right.”

  “Your mama killed herself to follow her lover into the darkness. Suicide. Guaranteed ticket to Hell.” Her voice was robotic and dead-sounding.

  “What is happening?” Charlie repeated, alarmed.

  “As we established, Clarissa planted the false narrative years ago. This is what happens when someone who has believed a vicious lie for decades is confronted with the truth,” Heather said.

  “Can it be reversed?” I heard my mother whisper.

  Gram heard her, too, and began having seizures in my arms until she literally passed out. What had been one of the best moments of my life was turning into one of the worst.

  “It can only be reversed by the person who planted it,” Heather replied.

  “Incorrect,” Michael said, looking down at the unconscious ghost of Gram in my arms. “Planted thoughts done in malice can’t be reversed. Unless…”

  “Unless what?” I demanded, staring at the woman who’d given up her life to raise me. The woman who’d loved me unconditionally. Steve floated over and quietly sat beside me. His steady presence calmed me.