Were We Belong Page 16

  “In theory, yes,” Chicken replied, tracing the O so he too had the Demon’s signature. “It’s saved us quite a few times.”

  “Amazing,” Hank said. “I’d love to take a ride on a Pigeon going two thousand miles an hour.”

  “Duuuuude,” I said, gaping at the love of my life. “You’re crazy.”

  “Nope,” Hank shot back with a crooked grin that made me melt. “Zeernebooch is crazy. I’m hot.”

  “I’m hot, too,” Zeernebooch protested.

  “You are,” Granny told him with a wink. “I’ll do ya as soon as you earn enough points.”

  “Aaaaand we’ll stop right there,” I said. “This conversation is over.”

  “But I am hot,” Zeernebooch whispered, having to get the last word in.

  He was worse than a two-year-old—an obnoxious, ancient two-year-old… with horns.

  “Let’s do this,” Birdie said, hugging her brother tight.

  “I’ve got your back, Sis,” he said. “Obizuth is a vicious one, but remember she has no choice but to come if she’s been called. Do not let her play you.”

  “Been around the block a few times,” Birdie said, grinning at her concerned brother. “Line up everyone. I’m taking hugs from all of ya. That’s the Pigeon way!”

  “She’s serious?” Reginald asked.

  “Completely,” I said, yanking him into the hug line. “Time to loosen up, dude.”

  “I suppose I can do that,” he said with a small smile. “This has to be the strangest day in my long life. I’m enjoying it.”

  “If you’re enjoying this, you really need to get out more,” I said. “When today is over and we’re still alive—which we will be—you’re coming to Hung, Georgia. You can see my parents. And Dwayne is a fabulous drag queen. He does three shows a week and Granny pole dances.”

  “She means strips,” Granny cut in with a cackle. “Essie is trying to make my hobby sound socially acceptable.”

  “There will be no more stripping for anyone but me once I properly bone you, Bobbie Sue,” Zeernebooch informed my Granny.

  “Lost a point, jackhole,” Granny snapped, glaring at her demonic boyfriend.

  “But…” he went on.

  “Lost another,” she informed him.

  “If I say you can strip do I earn them back?” he asked in a panic, trying to make sense of the rules.

  “Possibly,” she said.

  “Umm… can I maim all the men who ogle your traffic stoppers?” he inquired.

  “We can discuss that at a later date,” Granny said, taking Birdie in her arms and hugging her.

  “You stay away from Zeernebooch when Obizuth arrives,” Birdie told Granny. “If she catches wind that Zeernebooch wants you, she’ll eat you.”

  “No one will eat Bobbie Sue except me when I earn enough of these elusive points. And she will love it. I’m very talented at oral,” Zeernebooch roared as his horns popped out and bursts of black magic exploded around him.

  And yet again, the Demon had appalled all of us to silence.

  “What?” he asked, looking alarmed. “Did I say something bad?”

  “Umm… yes. Really bad,” Belphegor told him, biting down on his lip so he didn’t laugh. “Maybe you might want to try the silent game for a while.”

  “Ohhhhh,” Zeernebooch said, protecting his jewels with his hands just in case Granny racked him. “You mean the one where I don’t say anything… at all… for at least ten minutes?”

  “Yep, that’s the one, Pappy,” Belphegor confirmed.

  “I can do that,” he replied, making the international zip the lip motion.

  “Hug me, you big dummy,” Birdie said, putting her arms around the silent Zeernebooch. “Bobbie Sue is a good one. You deserve a little happiness. Don’t fuck it up.”

  Zeernebooch said nothing as he was playing the silent game, but nodded his head spastically.

  “Be safe,” I whispered in Birdie’s ear when it was my turn to hug her. “I adore you.”

  “I’ve got this, Sugar,” she said, cupping my cheek. “You people just be ready. Have you banished a Demon lately?” she asked Reginald.

  “Last week,” he replied with a raised brow. “Godspeed, Birdie. I will be ready for the Demon when she arrives.”

  With one last group hug, Birdie took off like a bullet out of a gun. She was right. I couldn’t even see her.

  “Guess we’re waitin’ again,” Granny said.

  “I guess we are,” I replied.

  Although, now we were waiting on a Demon.

  The game had changed. And the rules were unknown.

  “Any word from Clark or Jones?” I asked as I looked at my watch.

  Birdie had been gone for twenty minutes. It had been the longest twenty minutes of my life.

  “No,” Reginald said tersely, going through the items in his bag as Zeernebooch and Belphegor stayed a healthy distance away.

  “Umm… there’s no chance that you could banish Zeernebooch and Belphegor when you do the voodoo on Obizuth… is there?” I asked, wondering exactly what a Demon Hunter did.

  “No,” Reginald said, looking up from his bag. “Not a chance.”

  The sighs of relief from the two Demons in the room made me smile, but my smile didn’t last long. Chicken paced the room incessantly, waiting for his sister’s safe return. I was starting to feel ill that I’d sent her on the mission. If something happened to her, I would never forgive myself.

  Hank’s phone rang.

  And all hell broke loose.

  “You’re kidding,” he shouted into the phone. “When? How?”

  He was silent as he listened to Junior talk a mile a minute. I wanted to tell him to hit speakerphone, but his expression was so intense I stayed quiet.

  “How long? All of them?”

  Again, he waited.

  Again, Junior had a lot to say.

  “Great work, man. I love you.”

  “What?” I yelled as Hank let his head fall back on his shoulders and he let out a whoop of relief.

  “They’ve got them,” he said and then froze. “Chicken. Go. Go. GO! Bring Birdie back. We don’t need Obizuth. Clark and Jones found Giles and the Tinas. They are on their way right now.”

  Chicken didn’t wait to hear more. In less than a second, he’d shifted and was out of the warehouse with such speed that we all got blown over by his tailwind.

  Crawling back to my feet, I felt my heart pounding in my ears. Could it really be over? Could it be this easy?

  “Are they driving?” I asked.

  “Nope,” Hank said, pacing like a madman in his excitement. “The Dragons are flying them as we speak. They should be here in ten minutes.”

  “Why were we just now notified?” Reginald demanded, confused. “To arrive in ten minutes, they’d have to have been flying for about fifty.”

  “Correct,” Hank confirmed. “When Giles and the Tinas realized the gig was up, they shifted right in front of about fifty FBI agents. Well, Giles didn’t shift. That was taken from him, but the Tinas did. There were cameras and videos taken.”

  “Oh shit,” Dwayne said. “Were my sons-in-law on hand?”

  “Yep, but it was a shit show. About twenty in the Georgia pack got shot with tranq guns and several with bullets—thankfully not silver. They’ll be fine.”

  “Thank Jesus Hesus,” I muttered. “Did the Vamps mind-wipe all the agents?”

  “That was part of the issue,” Hank explained. “As soon as they realized what was happening, the Feds scattered. Took a bit to round them up. Hence the late call.”

  “Since my ten minutes are up, can I ask a question?” Zeernebooch inquired.

  “Ask,” I said, as I joined Hank in his pacing.

  “Do we have a plan or are we winging it?” he asked.

  “Half and half,” I told him. “I want to question them, but we’re going to turn them over to the Council for punishment.”

  “But you’re Council,” Zeernebooch pointed out. “I say
kill them.”

  I paused and glanced over at Hank. We were Council. And by all rights, we could kill them. The question was… should we?

  “No,” I said slowly. “No. We need to know everything so this never happens again. We need to figure out how they were able to go off the radar so easily. I don’t like Clark or Jones, but they are damned good agents—or they used to be.”

  Hank nodded and put his strong arm around my shoulders. “Essie is right. If there’s a hole in the system, or if it was Clark and Jones’ arrogance, we need to know. Killing them will leave us with unanswered questions. That is unacceptable.”

  “Can we at least rough them up a bit?” Dwayne asked.

  “Oh, absolutely,” I agreed immediately.

  The applause was unnerving. Mostly because it came from behind us and I hadn’t realized anyone else had entered the warehouse.

  “What the…” I shouted as I spun around the prepared to go apeshit on the intruders.

  “Hello, Essie. Hank… and the rest of you,” Bob Harold said. “Your people skills have improved.”

  “Not really,” I said, eyeing them cautiously. “I can prove I’m still lacking in the skills department if you happen to have some cheese on you.”

  “Sorry,” Bob Hiram said, with the merest whisper of a smile. “No cheese.”

  “We will be taking the fugitives in for questioning when they arrive,” Bob Herm informed me. “You’ve done excellent work.”

  “You have seafood butter on your lip, dude,” I told him. “And just to clear the air with everyone present so you don’t go off on my ass… Dwayne and Birdie are now Council members.”

  I’d shocked the Bobs to silence. It was awesome.

  “Since when?” Bob Herm choked out.

  “Since today when they put it on the line to help us,” I shot back, waiting for the smackdown to begin. “And just as a reminder… I know your real names.”

  Strangely, the smackdown didn’t happen and I didn’t think it was because I knew their names. The old farts were clearly ready to change with the times. The Bobs were every kind of freaky and weird, but they knew what they were doing. I knew in my gut they would question Giles Giles and the Tinas within an inch of their soon-to-be-over lives. Honestly, it was a relief. I wanted to go home. I wanted to crawl in bed with Hank and start working on our ten little Werewolves. I wanted normal even it was only for a little while.

  “I’ll be wearing a dress and bringing my husband to my induction,” Dwayne announced grandly. “A strapless dress because my collar bones are simply to die for.”

  “Wait, we’re getting married?” Belphegor asked with wide eyes. “How did I miss this?”

  “Oh shit,” Dwayne shouted and smacked himself in the head. “It was going to be a surprise. I’m such an idiot.”

  Dwayne then smiled at the man of his dreams and got down on one knee. Belphegor squealed and began to cry—happy tears. Zeernebooch rolled his eyes.

  “I have loved you for centuries, Belphie. And now that you’re out of the closet, I want to make an honest Demon out of you. Living forever gets lonely. It wasn’t until Essie came into my life and gave me a real family that I even knew what I was missing.”

  Belphegor was now screaming with excitement and jumping up and down like a child on Christmas morning.

  “You won’t just be marrying me,” Dwayne went on, smiling with a joy I’d never seen on his beautiful face. “We have eight Were Cow daughters and eight Vampyre asshole sons-in-law, but those fuckers don’t count.”

  “Do I answer now?” Belphegor asked in a high-pitched screech.

  “Not done yet,” Dwayne said.

  “Of course he’s not,” Granny said with a smile. “He’s Dwayne.”

  “This reminds me of the time I went naked skydiving with twelve Amish break dancers. It was glorious and almost everyone survived. Clem was seriously drunk and never pulled the cord. It was a hot mess. But that’s not the important part.”

  “I certainly hope not,” Reginald muttered.

  “The important part is that jumping out of a plane naked with a dozen drunk and hairy Amish was terrifying. Ohhh, and on a side note, I taught all eleven survivors to manscape later that day. But I digress… On that fateful day, I was sure I felt my dead heart beating. Hurtling through the sky with the Amish can do that to a man. I never felt my heart beat again until the day I met you. Belphie, you make my dead heart beat as much as a dead heart can beat. And you’re far more appealing to look at than a hairy Amish break dancer. Will you marry me?”

  “YES!” Belphegor screamed and laid a kiss on Dwayne that was so full of love and adoration my eyes started to water.

  Dwayne was finally gonna get his wedding. His daughters had eloped and my wedding was a quickie, much to my BFF’s disappointment. However, now he was going to get his very own. Today had turned out to be a great day after all.

  “Incoming,” Granny yelled as Dima and Nicolai in full Dragon form busted through the ceiling of the warehouse with passengers on their backs.

  Six were expected. Two were not.

  “Everyone clear,” Hank shouted as the Dragons landed, kicking up all the silver magic Dwayne had created earlier.

  The three Tinas and Giles Giles were bound in silver and had clearly been roughed up already. They were pretty much knocking on death’s door, but they could clearly still speak as they were hissing and cursing up a storm.

  “You fuckers are gonna pay,” Giles Giles grunted. “The world knows about Shifters now. You’re all gonna die like pigs.”

  “It’s YOU,” Tina #1 hissed, staring daggers at me. “I despise you.”

  “Feeling’s very mutual,” I replied tonelessly.

  “You ruined our lives,” Tina #2 hissed so viciously she had spittle all over her face.

  “Pretty sure you did that all on your own,” I shot back, not feeling an ounce of sympathy for any of them.

  “We’re out of here,” Dima said and then snarled at the bound idiots. “We’re needed back in Alabama. Cool?”

  “Cool,” I told my gorgeous Dragon buddy.

  “You own me that taco joint, asshole. Go buy it,” Nicolai said to Hank with a huge grin, revealing rows of razor-sharp teeth.

  “Tomorrow, my man. Tomorrow the taco joint will be yours,” Hank replied with a joyous laugh.

  The Dragons left the same way they’d arrived but without passengers.

  “You’re all gonna DIE,” Giles Giles continued his rant.

  In perfect symmetry, the Bobs approached the evil pieces of crap. All four sets of eyes went wide with terror. The Bobs’ reputation preceded them. They’d earned it.

  “You will shut your mouths,” Bob Harold said in a tone that made the hair on my neck stand up.

  “You will speak when you are spoken to,” Bob Herm added with a smile so benign it was positively horrifying. “And you will answer each and every question. Am I making myself clear?”

  They nodded mutely.

  “You see,” Bob Hiram said pleasantly. “If you play nice… justice will be swift. And if you don’t…”

  He didn’t need to finish the sentence. I didn’t even want to hear the rest of that sentence.

  “Clark and Jones,” Bob Harold said. “Take these sacks of shit back to headquarters. Place them in lockdown. We will be there shortly.”

  Clark and Jones looked worse for the wear as well, but they were alive and they’d come through in the end. It didn’t make me like them any better, but I respected them now. They would have to earn my affection. I wasn’t so sure that was possible.

  “Yes, sir,” Clark said as he yanked Giles Giles up and Jones grabbed the Tinas.

  They both gave Hank and me respectful nods and we returned the gesture. Pomp and circumstance would never die in our world.

  The guards surrounding the building came in as if they’d been called. Hell, they probably had been. The Bobs had tricks up their sleeves that I would never know. The fugitives were loaded into a van a
nd driven away. It was seriously anticlimactic.

  However, that was a good thing.

  The surprise guests smiled as they walked directly toward me.

  “Mom. Dad,” I said shaking my head. “Why are you here?”

  My mom grinned and shrugged. “Heard you might be calling a Demon to you and we thought you could use a hand.”

  “Annie. John,” Reginald said, moving forward and staring at them in awe. “I …”

  “Reginald,” my mom said, opening her arms to the man that had been so important to them so many years ago. I mean, they did ask him to be my grouchy godfather, for the love of everything weird.

  “You haven’t changed a bit,” Reginald said as he laid his head on my mom’s shoulder and reached out to my dad.

  “Actually, we have,” my dad said, shooting a look to the Bobs. “But it does my heart good to see you.”

  “Reggie’s got Essie’s head in his drawer,” Dwayne gushed to my confused parents. “You’re gonna LOVE it!”

  “And on that strange note, we shall take our leave,” Bob Harold said.

  “Wait,” I called out as the three mysterious men walked across the warehouse. “What are you going to do the Giles Giles and the Tinas?”

  I didn’t want to know… and yet I did. Maybe. Kind of.

  “Nothing,” Bob Herm said.

  “Nothing?” Hank snapped. “You’re going to let them go free?”

  “I don’t believe I said anything about them going free,” he replied coldly.

  “But you said you’re not going to do anything to them,” I said, in shock.

  “Do you really want to know, Essie?” Bob Hiram inquired.

  “Umm…yes?” I whispered.

  “After they have answered all of our queries satisfactorily, they will be given a dose of their own medicine.”

  “Not following,” I said, wondering why the Bobs always had to be so dang cryptic.

  With the minimum amount of movement needed, Bob Herm reached into his ever-present briefcase and pulled out the bag of Devil’s Lettuce. “As I said, we won’t have to do anything. They will take care of it themselves.”