Were Me Out: Shift Happens Book Four Page 4

  “I was cloaked, darling. Lucky thing I was there. That crazy flying douche canoe never would have made it across if I hadn’t flown us over. And the little bastard took all the credit—chaps my ass to this day.”

  “Not real sure how well the world would have reacted to a Vampyre flying a motorcycle over a gaping hole in the earth,” I said logically.

  “This is true.” Dwayne sighed dramatically and spit out a few sequins. “Sometimes it sucks being a secret.”

  “It would suck a lot worse running from pitchforks and freaked out humans for centuries,” Granny said as she fired up the Hummer and backed out of the driveway like she was blind.

  Hank was going to have to redo a tremendous amount of landscaping. Maybe Junior could help him and then they could take a stab at my mother’s hostas.

  Chapter Six

  “Tell me again why we’re hiding in the bushes?” Dima whispered in a shaky voice.

  To her the question sounded logical. However, she hadn’t met Sadie Wilson yet.

  All five of us were hunkered down in the meticulously groomed bushes surrounding the Wilson compound. I let myself internally giggle at the thought that Junior had been hiding in my parents’ bushes only a few hours ago and now here I was hiding in his parents’ shrubs. And then I remembered why we were here—my mirth died fast.

  We’d left the Hummer about a mile back and belly crawled in. This was difficult for Dwayne considering he was wearing a colossal frock and heels, but it had been his idea. We were all a little worse for the wear after our covert entrance, but we were still alive.

  So far, so good.

  The Wilson abode was a monstrous stone manor surrounded by dense woods. The vast property was a safe place for our pack to shift and run far from human eyes. However, the foreboding house left a lot to be desired. If it had a moat, it would have looked positively medieval. I had a hard time picturing Junior and Hank growing up in this setting.

  “We’re picking up a few weapons,” Granny muttered, filling her pockets with rocks and pointy sticks.

  “Umm…isn’t Sadie Wilson a Werewolf?” Dima questioned as she shoved a few rocks in her pocket in total confusion. “Rocks won’t do much damage to a shifter.”

  “Yesssssss, she’s a Werewolf,” Dwayne hissed from beneath mounds of fabric. “The truth of the matter is that we’re just stalling. This is not going to go well. Having rocks in your pants will boost your courage.”

  “Says who?” I asked and then regretted it immediately as Essie gave me a horrified glance.

  Too late.

  “Well, one time when I was hunting wild boar with a drunk off his ass Hemingway, he told me that tossing rocks could serve as a distraction when spearing hairy pigs with curly teeth,” Dwayne explained. “Since Sadie is as hazardous as a bushy bovine, this is not an exercise in futility.”

  I couldn’t stop myself… “Did that work?”

  Dwayne paused mid-gather and wrinkled his brow. “Actually, no. That brilliant booze- soaked, hard writing douche nozzle was a lying sack of shit. I got gored by the slobbering porker while that wasted old bastard laughed like a loon. Thank Jesus Hesus Christ that I was already dead. Getting speared by a boar hurt like a mother fucker.”

  “You couldn’t come up with something better than Hesus for Jesus’s middle name?” Dima asked, dumping the rocks out of her pockets.

  “I just informed you I was impaled by Pumbaa and that’s all you have to say?” Dwayne huffed indignantly.

  Dima considered her answer for a hot second and then nodded with a wide grin. “Yep.”

  “I knew I liked you,” Dwayne gushed. “And Hesus is Jesus’s middle name.”

  “You are so full of it,” Dima said with a laugh.

  “Correct,” I giggled. “But Essie and Dwayne’s desire to name our savior Jesus Hesus is working. I hacked into Twitter and blasted it all over the internet. It got millions of hits.”

  “Which leads me to my next question, Miss Too Smart for Her Own Good,” Dwayne said, pointing at me. “What is your weird question?”

  “When did I say I had a weird question?” I asked.

  “When I was locked in the bathroom,” he replied as he tried to stand, but got tangled in his gown and landed in a heap next to me.

  “Right,” I said, helping him back into an ungraceful squat. “Umm…does anyone have a boob tube I could borrow for later tonight?”

  “Is there more of a story that goes with that request?” Essie asked with a smirk as she too unloaded the rocks from her pockets.

  “Well…it has to do with dismantling a PC from the nineties,” I mumbled as I felt the heat rise on my cheeks. I left my pockets full on the off chance Hemingway had a point about distraction.

  “Nuff said,” Granny grunted, reaching into her purse and yanking out a royal blue velour boob tube. “Just wash it before you return it. It’s my favorite.”

  “Thank you,” I replied, taking the stretchy fashion-don’t from Granny and tucking it into the waistband of my mini skirt. I decided not to ask why she had a boob tube in her purse. Some things were far better left to the imagination.

  “If we had time, I’d make you explain yourself,” Essie threatened in a hushed whisper. “But seeing as Sadie is standing on the porch giving us the evil eye, the boob tube-PC adventure will have to wait.”

  “Shitballs,” Dwayne squealed in abject terror as he jettisoned into the air catching the bustle of the dress on the branch of an overly groomed bush.

  The tear of the taffeta was sickening. If Dwayne could have hurled, I’m quite sure he would have. However, Vampyres weren’t afforded that luxury.

  We all froze while Dwayne hung mid-air in the now ruined gown and waited for death.

  But death didn’t come. Death would have been kinder.

  “Get in here,” Sadie hissed as she scanned the horizon.

  Scrambling to our feet and pulling Dwayne down from his mid air float, we sprinted into the house. Sadie slammed the door behind us and triple locked it. When pissed she could tear apart an army of shifters. The locking of the door didn’t bode well.

  “So you’ve heard?” she demanded with her hands on her hips and her eyes wild.

  We all glanced at each other and shifted our stances so we covered Dwayne and the now ruined gown. However, Sadie barely noticed us as she paced the grand foyer like an agitated sabretooth.

  “Heard what?” Granny asked as she stepped forward and took the frantic Sadie by the shoulders.

  “He’s being challenged,” she said wringing her hands and shaking Granny off.

  “Who’s being challenged?” Essie demanded as she stepped in front of the crazy Wolf and halted her pacing.

  “Jacob,” Sadie shouted. “The rat bastard Alpha from the Alabama pack is challenging my baby.”

  “Bullshit,” I hissed, forgetting my manners and my fear of Junior’s mother. Junior was an ethical and compassionate leader. Someone would have to be nuts to challenge his authority.

  “And you,” Sadie snarled as she knocked Essie out of the way and turned on me. “If you hadn’t run away for twelve years to college, Jacob wouldn’t have gotten confused and had sex with half of Georgia. This is your fault.”

  “Excuse me?” I snapped, going toe-to-toe with the scariest woman in Hung, Georgia—or very possibly the entire South. “My excessive amount of education had nothing to do with Junior boffing everything with boobs south of the Mason Dixon line. And how is it my fault he’s being challenged?”

  “You ruined the natural order,” Sadie growled.

  “Hold on there now,” Granny said, stepping between me and the nasty lady of the house. “Sandy didn’t know. Junior never made his intentions clear, if I’m recalling correctly—and I am recalling correctly. And while I’m recalling,” Granny added getting right up into Sadie’s face, “you were not for the mating due to Sandy’s little shifting issue.”

  “Oh so it’s my fault? It’s always the mother’s fault,” Sadie griped and brushed
imaginary lint off of her pristine designer suit.

  Who in the hell wears a business suit at home? Sadie Wilson does. The woman who clearly thought I wasn’t good enough for her son.

  “If the shoe fits,” Granny muttered.

  “If he hadn’t been confused and busy trying to find a mate—who was off studying God only knows what—he would have become Alpha instead of Hank. Jacob is the first born and was supposed to take the damned job,” Sadie screeched. “And now those Alabama Hill rats want a piece of him.”

  A knot the size of a cantaloupe formed in my stomach.

  “This is not my fault,” I whispered trying to convince myself as much as Sadie. Had Junior and I been fated since high school? How in the world had I not known? This was making me ill. Maybe I really had ruined the natural order.

  Sadie huffed and raised her perfectly manicured brows so high they almost touched her hairline. “Whatever helps you sleep at night…Jacob could die because of you.”

  Unacceptable. I was ready to bite his ass and take him off the market. Wait. Not his ass, his neck. His ass was great, but I was pretty sure you bit each other in the neck when you mated—not the ass. And then as the stories go you have mind-blowing sex. Junior aka Jacob was not going to die any time soon. I wanted my mind-blowing sex and I wanted my Junior.

  “Explain yourself right now or I’ll jerk a knot in your tail,” I threatened and then almost choked on my words.

  What in the ever lovin’ hell was wrong with me? Who did I think I was talking smack to someone who could eat me for breakfast? Dwayne was positively ashen. Granny, Essie and Dima had backed themselves up against the walls ready to watch a smackdown.

  Sadie’s eyes narrowed to slits and fireworks joined the cantaloupe in my stomach, but to my surprise she wasn’t looking at me. She’d finally spotted Dwayne.

  Shit.

  “What on earth are you wearing?” she demanded as she cocked her head to the side and stared in shock.

  “A dress,” Dwayne mumbled, going paler than his usual whitish pallor.

  Slowly she crossed the room and approached the terrified Vampyre. We all held our breath—even Dwayne who didn’t need to breathe.

  “Is that what I think it is?” Sadie asked, completely appalled.

  “Umm…possibly,” Dima chimed in weakly trying to save Dwayne.

  “And you are?” Sadie said turning her attention to Dima.

  “Dima. I’m Dima. I just moved here and I like being alive. A lot.”

  “God, Dragons are strange,” Sadie said with pursed lips and a shake of her head. “Welcome to Hung. We’ll have to have tea.”

  “Oh hell, really?” Dima blurted out, then slapped her hand over her mouth. “I’m mean that would be, umm…lovely.”

  Ignoring Dima’s lack of etiquette and subsequent pathetic response to the invitation, Sadie shifted her attention back to the dress-wearing Vamp.

  “That dress is positively awful on you. Where did you get it?”

  “I…ah…umm…” Dwayne stuttered, trying like hell to figure out how to answer with out creating a shit show.

  “Sweet Jesus on a bender.” Sadie gasped and backed away from Dwayne. “Is that my wedding gown?”

  “Yesssss,” Dwayne screeched in a panic. “We can totally fix the bustle. It’s outside on the bush. Granny sews like a maniac and I’m fabulous with sequins…I’m supposed to wear it to Essie’s wedding.”

  “Well, that simply won’t do. I must have been drunk when I picked out that disaster,” Sadie admitted as she closed her eyes and sighed dramatically. “Take it off. I can’t look at it.”

  “So I don’t have to wear it?” Dwayne squealed in relief.

  “No you don’t have to wear it unless you have your heart set on it. I’m quite certain it was in style when I got married, but it’s definitely not now,” she said with a small shrug.

  Glancing around, I realized we were all in shock that the half assed plan worked.

  “It’s not really my color,” Dwayne added as he stripped down to his thong at lightning speed.

  “Here ya go,” Granny said as she whipped a hot pink sarong out of her bag and handed it to Dwayne.

  For just a moment, I wondered idly what the hell else she might be carrying in her purse.

  “Sadie, Junior is a killing machine when he’s not chasing skirts. He can take Giles Giles down with his eyes closed. Giles Giles couldn’t find his ass with both hands in his back pockets,” Granny assured Sadie as she expertly tied the sarong on Dwayne.

  “Junior’s not chasing skirts anymore,” I added and then zipped it quickly when Sadie shot me a look.

  “Because Jacob is unmated, he most likely has to fight both the Alpha and his mate,” Sadie said flatly as she continued to throw eye daggers at me.

  The silence was long. Only Dima seemed stymied. Our Dragon friend was unaware of the craziest, most violent Wolf Pack in the United States. Giles Giles might not be the sharpest tool on the shed, but he was mean.

  The Alpha of the Alabama pack, Giles Giles was right out of his tiny freakin’ mind, but his mate Gina Giles was every kind of awful and as deadly as they came. I was fairly certain Junior could take both of them, but he didn’t like to fight women. Junior was a gentleman—a little left of center, but a gentleman.

  However, there was a way he wouldn’t have to fight Gina…

  “Does Junior know about the challenge?” I asked, making plans in my head that I had no intention of sharing. They weren’t that well thought out, but…

  “No. Hank and his father are assessing the situation before we tell Jacob. I don’t need my boy going off half cocked and driving to Alabama tonight. If the challenge has been officially registered, Hank and Jack will tell Jacob in the morning.”

  That was enough time. It sped my plans up a bit, but whatever. I had promised I was going to grow up. Of course I said I was going to grow up tomorrow, but what did a few hours mean when life and death were on the line?

  “Alrighty then,” I said as I unlocked the front door and made sure my boob tube was still securely tucked in my waistband. “I’d say this has been fun, but it hasn’t. I have to do some, umm…stuff so I’m just gonna mosey on out of here.”

  “Ohmygosh, I forgot! I have to wash my hair,” Essie informed the group as she hightailed it out of the open front door.

  “Have to read my son a bed time story,” Dima said as she sprinted after Essie.

  “I’m in desperate need of some pumps that will match my sarong,” Dwayne added as he too skedaddled.

  “You need me?” Granny asked as she observed Sadie and me squaring off.

  “Nope, I’m good,” I assured her with far more confidence than I felt.

  What was the worst thing that could happen? Junior’s mom wasn’t going to kill me. She played bridge with my mom every Tuesday. It would be incredibly awkward if she had to explain that minor snafu to the card gals. And I had witnesses who knew I was here. She might maim me a little, but if she tried, I was going to give back as good as I got.

  I didn’t foresee a joyous future with Sadie and I being buddies, but it would be nice if we weren’t enemies.

  Granny nodded, squeezed my hand and made her way out of the house.

  “So you tried to dissuade Junior from pursuing me?”

  “You couldn’t shift. You were the size of a barn. What was I supposed to do? Jacob was set to be Alpha. I couldn’t have a dysfunctional daughter-in-law,” she snapped in a defensive tone that made me feel tiny—but angry.

  “Did that feel good?” I asked. My wolf was so close to the surface. Her fury far outweighed my own. I was used to the jibes. I’d lived with them through my high school years.

  “What on earth do you mean?”

  “Does it feel wonderful to eviscerate someone with cruel words? Did it feel fantastic to keep your son from his destiny? Do you sleep soundly at night knowing he didn’t mate with the fat freak?”

  “Oh so we’re back to it all being my fault,”
she griped, staring at the ceiling. “And you’re not fat anymore.”

  “I’m the exact same person I was then.”

  “I beg to disagree,” Sadie challenged. “You would have never spoken to me this way.”

  “Don’t be so sure,” I shot back. “You haven’t given me reason to until now.”

  “So you think this is my fault?”

  “No one’s at fault. I was too shy and uncomfortable with my dysfunctional self to have even been aware that Junior noticed me. I won’t apologize for that. I recognize him now whether you want me to or not. Giles Giles is batshit crazy. This is his doing—not mine—not yours and most certainly not Junior’s.”

  “You’re rather blunt,” Sadie observed with a wrinkled nose.

  I couldn’t be sure but she might have had a small smile on her face and a begrudging expression of admiration. Wait. No way. That was just wishful thinking on my part.

  “I prefer truthful.”

  “Do you love my son?” Sadie asked, staring hard at me.

  Without missing a beat, I nodded. I did love Junior. I always had and I always would.

  “Just so you know,” she said, still having difficulty making eye contact. “Junior never cared that you couldn’t shift and were on the largish side. When you left my boy was depressed for years—couldn’t understand how he got it all wrong. And then he…well, then he became rather notorious, which is why Hank stepped up.”

  I took that in silently, but it made me want to jump and scream for joy—not that Junior had been depressed—that made my heart hurt. However, the part about him wanting me for exactly who I was made my heart soar. I had to believe that everything happened for a reason.

  Junior and I were supposed to be together now—not then. Hank had been meant to be Alpha for a while and I had needed to grow up and figure out who I was.

  “I don’t like you and am aware the feeling is mutual. However, I’m willing to call a truce if you are,” I said, offering as much of an olive branch as I could stomach.

  “That’s certainly big of you,” Sadie mumbled as she fluffed pillows and rearranged the flowers in the massive arrangement that sat atop her coffee table. “No. That was uncalled for…I’m sorry.”