Switching Witches Read online

  If Zach’s birth mother was who I was beginning to think she was, this wasn’t just a horrifying story. It was a fucking nightmare—even worse than the fact that she’d tried to kill me. If Zach was indeed the other half of me, she had killed both of us.

  Was one woman truly capable of such vicious evil? Zach may have been kind of a jackhole to me earlier, but his life had been one of massive abuse. First at the hands of the mother who sold him, and then at the hands of the mother who used him.

  There was only one way to find out if I was correct.

  “Does Zach know who his egg donor was?” I whispered, still feeling ill.

  “No,” Zorro said. “Do you?”

  “I think I might.”

  Chapter Eleven

  “Even if she cast the spell, she can’t break it. Your mother is human now,” Mac said, taking in the damage to our suite without commenting on it.

  He eyed our guests and nodded politely. Surprisingly Zorro bowed low to Mac. Mac approached Zorro and titled his head as he noticed his eyes.

  “Your name?” Mac asked.

  “Zorro, your majesty,” he said, bowing again. “And I must say you are waaay finer than the rumors make you out to be.”

  “Dude,” I said with a laugh. “He’s taken.”

  “Very taken.” Mac grinned and winked at me. “And thank you,” he said to Zorro.

  Wait. Weird. How did Zorro know that Mac was the King of the Shifters in podunk Assjacket, West Virginia? Maybe he could scent it like an animal… Well, he was an animal. I then wondered if Mac noticed how minty fresh Zorro smelled. I really hoped Mac didn’t ask about it. Not real sure he would think a menthol butthole was as funny as I did.

  “You’re the lone fainting goat I was told about?” Mac asked, still watching Zorro with interest.

  “I am.”

  Mac nodded and glanced over at Willow. “And you?”

  “Willow,” she replied.

  “Does Zelda realize what you are?” Mac inquired, glancing over at me with interest.

  “Oh, my Goddess,” I griped. “You can tell what Willow is and I can’t?”

  “Apparently,” Mac said with a chuckle as he pulled me close and laid a quick hot one on my mouth.

  My lips tingled and my girlie parts perked up, but then I remembered the shitshow unfolding and groaned. Hotel sex was going to have to wait. Shit.

  “Can you give me a hint about Willow?”

  Mac squinted and gave me one of his smiles that made me forget my name. “Nope, baby. Not allowed.”

  I thought about offering up a blowjob in exchange for the information, but there were far too many people in the room. And I didn’t think it would work anyway. Not that I wasn’t fabulous at giving Mac blowjobs. I was. But if the Goddess caught wind that I was trading sexual favors for intel she might zap my mouth shut. Which would suck—bad pun intended.

  “Fine,” I said, pouting—more about the fact that I wasn’t going to get to play The Princess and the Penis in a hotel than I was about not learning Willow’s secret. If Mac wasn’t alarmed by Willow’s species then I wasn’t going to be either. I’d figure it out eventually. “So Willow will remain a mystery for the time being. How in the heck does Zorro know who you are?”

  “My father is not only the King of the Shifters in Assjacket…” Jeeves said with a proud smile.

  “Shut the front door. What?” I asked, gaping at Mac. “How did I not know this? So you’re like the freakin’ Baba Yaga of Shifters?”

  “I am,” Mac said with a grin.

  “Dude, that is so hot,” I said, really wishing we were alone. And then I froze. “Our kids are so fucked.”

  “How so?” Zorro inquired.

  Without thinking, I let it rip. So much for holding onto any secrets. “Because I’m supposed to take over for Baba Yobutthole eventually and rule the most insane species known to the Universe and Mac is in charge of a shitload of clumsy, hairy freaks. Our babies will be saddled with some heavy shit eventually. Not to mention, this is really gonna cut in on nookie time.”

  I froze again, but this time in embarrassment. “Sorry,” I told Zorro and Jeeves. “Didn’t mean to insult you guys.”

  “No offense taken, Zelda,” Jeeves said, bouncing on his toes and chuckling. “Mostly because your assessment is correct.”

  “Okaaaaay,” Sassy grumbled, finally coming out of the bathroom looking frazzled. “I can’t find anyone in the mirror that deserves an ass kicking. However, I’d like to come clean before I get busted. I tried on all your lingerie and pilfered your NARS Orgasm After Glow lip gloss. I totally rock it.”

  “There are people in the mirror?” Mac asked, perplexed.

  It wasn’t an odd question considering what we all were, but explaining would take too long and possibly piss Sassy off. Since there was very little left to break or blow up in the suite, I decided not to expound on my keeping Sassy busy tactics.

  “Apparently not,” I told him, giving him the side eye so he didn’t press for more.

  Thankfully, he got it.

  “Are you sure that this Zach person is related to you?” Mac asked, getting back on track.

  I was about to say no, but the word literally wouldn’t come out of my mouth. I tried again. Again, I was mute. Mac observed me as I tried yet one more time to say no. I looked like an idiot. WTF?

  “If you’re trying to be a ventricle, it’s not working,” Sassy pointed out.

  “Zip it, jackhole,” I snapped and tried to say no again. I failed.

  “Zach and Zelda are practically identical,” Willow offered as she too noticed my bizarre dilemma. “The resemblance is almost mirror perfect—and then of course they have matching birthdays and ages.”

  Mac’s head jerked to me in surprise. “Same age and birthday?”

  “Yes,” I confirmed wondering why I could say yes and not no. “Ask me if I like tofu.”

  “You hate tofu,” Mac reminded me.

  “I know that.” I rolled my eyes. “Just ask me please.”

  “Okay. Do you like tofu?”

  “NO,” I shouted making everyone in the room jump including myself. “Now ask me if I’m related to Zach.”

  “Are you related to Zach?” he asked, eyeing me with concern.

  I wanted to say no, but it wouldn’t pass my lips. “Ask something more specific about Zach.”

  Willow got it. She smiled and I could have sworn she grew another inch. Not to mention tiny purple flowers had sprouted in her hair along with the pink. “Is Zach your twin brother?”

  I closed my eyes and envisioned myself saying no. I could see it. If I could think it, I could say it. Right?

  Wrong.

  It had to be the Goddess at work here. However, I needed to test that theory too.

  “Everybody back up,” I instructed, gritting my teeth and steeling myself for some pain.

  Without asking a single question, all the occupants of the room quickly backed themselves against the walls—all except Sassy.

  “Umm… dude?” I said, squinting at her.

  “Yes, dude?” Sassy asked, still holding her new blue broom.

  “I was definitely speaking English when I told everyone to move.”

  “Yep,” she agreed and didn’t budge an inch.

  “So move.”

  “No can do, buttwad. I can tell you’re about to do something that’s gonna hurt like a motherfucker. I’m here to absorb some of your stupid. That’s what BFFs are for.”

  Sassy could render me mute for many reasons. This was one of them. I loved the idiot.

  “You sure?” I asked, looking at her askance.

  “Yep. Plus I also swiped your Urban Decay Naked eye shadow palette. It’s only fair.”

  Well, when she put it that way…

  Raising my arms to the sky, I felt my light magic flow through me. My skin began to shimmer and golden sparkles bounced around the room. A breeze tossed the magic around and I felt freer than I had all day.

  Goddess
on high, just checking in.

  I might have a brother—maybe a twin.

  If Zach is indeed mine,

  Please give me a sign… and preferably not on my fucking behind.

  In you, I shall trust,

  What I plan will not bust.

  In your wisdom and love, please send me a token.

  And though I heard you wear mom jeans… I will know you have spoken.

  “So mote it be,” Sassy said, giving me a high five. “Zel, the way you get the word fucking into all of your spells is truly inspired. The mom jeans thing was also excellent.”

  “It didn’t really fit, but I kinda just went with the flow,” I told her.

  “You rocked it, dude,”

  “Thank you,” I said right before the bolt of bright magenta lightning connected with my ass.

  “Holy shitballs,” Sassy shouted as she whacked my flaming butt with her new broom.

  Sassy had one hell of an arm. I wasn’t sure at this point what hurt more, the ass zap or the attempt to put it out. Unfortunately, Sassy was on a fucking mission and the whacks kept coming.

  “Enough,” I shouted as I turned Sassy’s bushy stick of torture into a pillow with a wave of my hand. “I don’t need a burnt and concave butt, you assmonkey.”

  “My bad,” Sassy apologized as she snapped her fingers and created a small monsoon over my lower half.

  My Stella McCartney was now as soaked as was I, but the flames were out. The dress was a goner anyway. I could feel the large hole in the back. This sucked. I really liked the dress. For a second, I thought about repairing it with magic, but I didn’t dare. Part of my parole requirement was to use magic for others and not on material things for myself. Even with my ass hanging out for all to see, I wasn’t about to test if the terms of my parole still stood. Besides, I kind of liked the rule—not that I would ever admit it.

  “Blanket,” I requested as I crawled to my feet and put my hands over my exposed derriere. “Or another Stella McCartney if anyone has one laying around.”

  Willow clapped her hands and in the blink of an eye, I was dry and dressed in the most rockin’ Alice and Olivia mini dress I’d ever seen.

  “I know you like Stella, but I was positive you would kill this little number,” Willow said with a grin.

  “Oh. My. Goddess,” I shrieked as I sprinted over to the full-length mirror on the back of the door and checked myself out from every angle. “I am so hot!”

  “That you are, little witch,” Mac said with a chuckle as he pulled me away from the mirror. “I think you got your sign from the Goddess.”

  “And a new scar on my ass to go with it,” I muttered as I took one more peek at my new fabu dress. “Willow, you are now in the club, my friend.”

  Sassy admired my dress with envy. “Umm… if I set myself on fire, can I have a new dress too?”

  Willow giggled. “Sassy, that pink Prada is smoking hot without a fire. How about you keep that dress and I’ll whip you up a new one for tomorrow?”

  “Deal!” Sassy squealed and then glanced over forlornly at the body-sized pillow that used to be her blue broom.

  “Shit,” I mumbled as I stared at her. She was willing to absorb some of my stupid. I had to be willing to fix hers. “Here’s the deal, dude. I’ll change it back if you swear on Witch’s Honor that shit stick will never come near my ass again in this lifetime.”

  “Promise,” Sassy said with a giggle.

  “I can fix it,” Willow volunteered. “I’m very good with wood.”

  Another hint?

  “Willow,” Zorro said, catching her hand in his before she cast a spell. “You’re depleting yourself and we’re not near a forest.”

  Hmm… interesting.

  “No worries. I’ve got it,” I said, wiggling my nose and turning the pillow back into the broom. I didn’t comment on the clues because I still had no idea what the heck Willow was. However, I filed them away. She’d blow her cover sooner or later. “I need to talk to Zach.”

  “Henrietta will fall into a deep sleep this evening after all the blood she’s taken today,” Zorro said with a shudder. “Zach will come and find Willow and me after she’s out.”

  “Where?” I asked, totally repulsed at the story.

  “In the forest,” Willow replied, watching me carefully.

  “Of course,” I said with an eye roll. “ʼCause nothing bad ever happens in the forest after dark when witches are involved.”

  Zorro simply smiled and shrugged. “It’s the only place that will protect us.”

  “Meaning?” I asked.

  Zorro and Willow exchanged smiles. “Come and you will see,” he said, handing me a card.

  It had an address on the front and a map on the back. There was a small X in the middle of the map.

  “X marks the spot,” Willow said. “We will meet you there this evening at the witching hour.”

  “We’ll be there,” Mac said to our guests as my mind raced with everything that could possibly go wrong—including that Zorro and Willow might be lying and this could be a dead end. My gut said they were for real, but it had already been established how wrong my gut could be.

  “Excellent,” Zorro said as he leaned in to give me a hug.

  The pain I felt when his body made contact with mine was hundreds of times worse than the message from the Goddess. I gasped as my insides felt like they were being shredded with a hot knife.

  “Fuck,” I choked out as I doubled over in agony.

  Mac, misunderstanding, tackled Zorro to the ground and held him in a death grip. Willow screamed and tried to pull Mac off. Moving Mac was literally impossible.

  “Stop,” I hissed at Mac. “Zorro didn’t try to harm me. Please Mac, release him.”

  “Then what did I just see?” Mac ground out through clenched teeth as Zorro’s face began to turn as purple as his leather ensemble.

  “You saw the Shifter Wanker in action,” I said, crawling over to Zorro and gently removing Mac’s hands from his neck. “I felt his pain. He didn’t try to hurt me.” I turned my attention to a frightened and gasping Zorro. “What has been done to you?”

  He tried to smile, but it didn’t reach his unusual eyes. My own eyes filled with tears and my entire body burned with pain. Zorro was so damaged internally it was horrifying. How was he even alive?

  “It’s nothing, gurlfriend,” Zorro insisted in a hoarse voice. “I’m fine.”

  “You are not fucking fine,” I hissed as I began to run my hands over his chest and stomach and then back to his head. Shit. If this was left over from his near-death beating twenty years ago, Zach wasn’t much of a healer. However, I didn’t think so. It was too raw to be old wounds. “What does that woman do to you when you’re passed out?” I demanded as my fingers began to spark with fury.

  Zorro closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. “I don’t know, doll,” he admitted hollowly. “I’m not exactly awake, but it takes days to recover when I come to.”

  Willow stood silently beside Zorro’s prone body and cried. The leaves in her hair wilted and the flowers had turned brown. It was killing me not to know what she was, but I had more important matters to deal with first.

  Cracking my neck and my knuckles, I looked to Mac. He nodded curtly and stepped back.

  “My apologies, Zorro,” Mac said gruffly.

  “None necessary, your majesty,” Zorro replied with a respectful nod. “Zelda is your world and you thought I’d harmed her. I get it. I would do the same for Zach and Willow.”

  “Apparently, you already do. Mac, can you and Willow remove his clothes? Leave his underwear on. It would be easier if Zorro shifted, but I’m worried that he won’t be able to come out of it. I’m gonna fix him in his human form,” I said as I closed my eyes and began to chant softly. I’d never healed someone with this many injuries at the same time before. It was going to suck some major ass, but that was just too bad. “Hang on Zorro. This will hurt like a mofo and then it won’t. Don’t fight me, okay?�
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  “Wait. Will this deplete you?” Zorro asked in a worried tone as he tried to stop Mac and Willow from removing his clothes. “If so, please save your strength for Zach. I’m fine. This is my normal.”

  “Not any fucking more it’s not,” I said, gently touching his cheek. “Close your eyes and give into me.”

  “Thank you, gurlfriend” he whispered with a sad smile. “You’re a beautiful witch—inside and out.”

  As I laid my hands on him, I thought I might faint or throw up. I didn’t. Instead, I took in the most excruciating pain I’d ever experienced as a healer. His kidneys were severely bruised and damaged. Zorro’s heart had holes in it as if it had been pricked with hundreds of tiny needles.

  I gulped air as I tried to get through the pain of mending his cracked skull and spine back together. How in the Goddesses name had the goat even been able to stand, much less make a coherent sentence? His arms looked like he was a drug addict. Needle holes dotted the entire landscape of his arms and legs. I wanted to kill Henrietta Marie Laveau Smith so fucking dead and somehow I was going to do just that. But first I had to fix the goat.

  “A little more,” I gasped out to a deathly pale Zorro. “Just a few more minutes.”

  He nodded his head and screwed his eyes shut even tighter. If it felt this bad for me, I couldn’t imagine how it felt for him.

  Mending his stomach and lower intestines, I felt dizzy with exhaustion. The last part was healing the deep purple bruises that covered his body. Slowly and gently, I ran my hand over each vicious mark.

  “Gonna get sick,” I said, grabbing for Mac.

  Without a word, the man I loved more than any other in the world quickly scooped me up in his arms and sprinted to the bathroom. He held my hair back as I emptied the contents of my stomach into the toilet. Healing a Shifter had never made me sick before, but this hadn’t been an ordinary healing. Mac gently rubbed my back as I cried about all of the horrible things that had happened to Zorro. I wasn’t even sure what had happened. I simply knew it was inhuman and wrong.

  “I’m good,” I whispered as I got shakily to my feet. “I need a toothbrush and some toothpaste. Now.”